Happiness.

I have been depressed for all of my adult life. Well, it started back in 3rd grade, really.

There was no triggering event. Sure there have been things that have happened through the years that have made me fall deeper into that hole. But, there was never a big bang, so to speak. I have a chemical imbalance in my brain. My mom deals with it and so does my grandma, so maybe genetics has something to do with it. But, maybe not. Who knows? All I know is that it exists and I have to take medication to control it. Every day I take 2 little pills that don't necessarily make me happy, but they put me on a level that I can choose to elevate or decrease. I still have bad days, but we all do, but finally, most days are great and I enjoy them immensely.

I have been to two different therapists in my life. I don't like them. I do not enjoy the idea of sitting across from someone and spilling my guts. The thought kind of scares me, but mostly it makes me tired. The thought of going through that mental exhaustion does not appeal to me. I do like to keep things in, but there are a select few people that get to hear the bad and the good. Therapy works for many people, and I don't think it is a bad thing, just not for me. I chose medication, and after years of getting the combination wrong, I think my doctor and I have finally gotten it right. The only time that I get truly depressed is if I subconsciously stop taking my meds. Which unfortunately does happen from time to time. I get in a phase where everything is good, I am very happy, and then I stop taking them. Not because I outright choose to, but I think sometimes I wish I didn't have to take them, so I think I will be fine without them. I am usually not fine without them. The sadness starts to creep back in like a fog, and it takes me a while to find a way out. But I have discovered that the only way out is with medication.

Some people don't believe in medication as a treatment for depression. They believe it is strictly an emotional problem. That is fine if that is your opinion, but just like believing one is born gay, I believe that people are born with this ailment. Sure, some people have a large triggering event that can cause depression, but a lot of people I have talked to have just always been depressed. Like I said before, I know that I have a chemical imbalance. Some people just do. It's unfortunate but it is something I deal with on a daily basis.

I recently dated someone that was severely depressed. So depressed that they would physically throw up from worry and sadness, and they would hide in their home and not come out. It wasn't every day, but it was often, so much so that the good days were few and far between. This person was amazing when they had a good day, someone that just connected with you, had brilliant things to say and knew so much. But on those bad days, that would sometimes turn into weeks, you couldn't even reach them through that sadness. I pleaded with them to seek help, and he wouldn't even consider it. Whether help to them was therapy, medication or just personal remedies, it didn't matter, just do something. They never did and that is why our relationship ended, I am blossoming and I can't be pulled down by that kind of depression.

So, I say to you, world of the internet: If you or someone you know is dealing with depression, whether mild or severe, please advise them to seek some form of help. It doesn't have to be therapy, or medication, there are many other ways that you can just reach out to others and not have to deal with this on your own. I know it's scary, I have been there, but I guarantee that you know people that are not only willing to listen, but also understand that it will take time for you to become yourself once again. Please know that you are never alone.

This post was in honor of Mental Health Week.

Love and zombie bites.
Lisa