A trip down romance lane.

Ok, so here goes my post on dating and what I have been going through lately.

I was a late bloomer. Not in the sense of my body, or mind, but in a dating sense (trust me, I had these tits in 6th grade!). I started really dating when I was 20, and I had no way of meeting men, so I did what came naturally and discovered the wide world of dating on the internet. I've been on every site, you name it and I've joined it. That was how I met people. I have never dated a man that I have not met on the internet. Weird.

So recently I decided that this was silly, I was meeting all of the wrong kinds of people. Sure, some turned out to be great guys and some turned into long term relationships (Nick and Joe). But most of my experiences were with very sheltered and insecure guys. And like I said in my previous post, that is not who I am anymore and I should be meeting people that don't bring me down in any way. So I decided to delete all of my online dating profiles and stop looking for anything that wasn't natural and organic (which I should start doing with my food). And so far I have discovered that this decision was good, but not easy by any means.

I have learned that if you don't introduce yourself (or get introduced) then you never meet anyone. I have also learned that men are just as judgmental as women are. On top of those things, I have learned that I have absolutely no patience and expect instant gratification because that is what I have been getting online. You see someone's profile, you message them, they check you out, then message you back, and soon enough you're chatting and meeting and then fucking. Very simple. I like you, you like me, let's hook up. In real life it is much harder to express to someone that you are interested, without just blatantly saying "I like you". How does one slyly flirt without outright giving everything away. Sure, I love the chase, just like anyone else, but I also hate the waiting and wondering and agonizing over whether or not your arm's touching meant anything. I just want to know if you like me, so tell me before I get bored and move on.

Of course, I currently have a huge crush on an acquaintance that is quickly becoming a friend. How does one express interest without ruining the aspect of friendship? I want to tell him constantly that I like him, but my friends continually remind me that I should take things slow and let things develop, whether or not it turns into something or we end up as friends. I am taking things slow, not rushing into it, but I honestly can't get the guy out of my head. I feel like a little school girl sometimes, and I don't know how to handle it. Our arms touch in conversation, our legs are touching, there is leaning and laughing. It means something on my end, and I think I am flirting, but is he flirting back, or is he thinking, "Damn, won't this girl stop touching me?". I know I am over-analyzing, and I really shouldn't do that, but sometimes you just have to get it out to process it. Exactly why I started a blog!

It is going to take me a while to get out of this mode of finding out instantly that someone is interested. I am going to have to re-learn how to flirt and how to do so without giving too much away. I am really excited about it though, and am looking forward to this new journey. I'm sure there will be heart break and longing, and all of the internal agonizing that comes with it, but isn't that the fun part?

Love and Zombie Bites. Always.
Lisa.